Confessions from the Principal's Chair Read online

  "Madam Zelda is not in favor of global warming."

  "What is it? Give me a short explanation, sort of in a nutshell."

  "Madam Zelda cannot be expected to know everything. Look it up on the Internet."

  "Right, the information highway."

  As soon as I put down the phone, I did use the computer in my office to get on the Internet and learn about global warming. I didn't understand much, but I scribbled down some quick notes. I might not be able to impress Kash with my knowledge, but at least if I was ever in a beauty pageant, which wasn't likely, but if I was, I would have a cause to discuss. "I'm deeply concerned about global warming," I imagined myself saying, and I was certain the audience would applaud me.

  The white light came on, and the phone rang. I wanted to tell Mrs. Simpson that I was busy learning about global warming, but I didn't. "Ms. Miller," she said. "I've had several teacher's get on the intercom to ask me if it is true that we are having a schoolwide water balloon fight tomorrow. It isn't, is it?"

  I remembered Miss Deirdre. Think the thought, I told myself, and I started thinking what Principal Bird would be thinking. The kids are going to love this balloon stuff. The teachers aren't. Well, that's tough, the teachers have had their way plenty.

  "Mrs. Simpson," I said, "I was just about to make an announcement about that very thing." I thought I sounded very principalish.

  "You do remember how to use the PA system, don't you?" She sounded like I was an eighth-grader or something.

  "I do, thank you Mrs. Simpson." I used her last name on purpose.

  "So you are going to put a stop to this nonsense about water balloons, aren't you?"

  "Thank you for your concern, Mrs. Simpson, but I am the principal. I will handle this." I said, and I hung up the phone, totally sure that outside my door was one very angry lady.

  I made some notes on my principal's pad, then scooted my chair over to the public address system, drew in my breath, and reached for the all-call button. You're young, I told myself, but you've studied all that principal stuff, and you for sure know what you are doing. It will build school spirit for the student body and faculty to have fun together. Now make your announcement.

  "All right, Prairie Dogs," I said, "I want to talk to you about the event sponsored by your student council tomorrow afternoon. No one will have to go to last period class. That's cool, huh?" I paused for a minute and could imagine kids clapping all over the building. "Okay, at two thirty, all those who want to participate will go out to the back of the building. Our able student council members will have water balloons filled. Take two at a time, and throw them at the person of your choice." I noticed from the corner of my eye that Mrs. Simpson had come into the office, and she was staring at me, her mouth open. I gave her what I hoped was a "Don't question me look," and went on with my announcement. "There are no winners or losers at this game, just lots of fun. I like to think that all the Prairie Dogs in this school are winners." I was so proud of that line that I repeated it. "Yes, indeed, all our Prairie Dogs are winners. Now, it goes without saying," I liked that phrase too. "It goes without saying that no student, member of the faculty, or staff will be forced to participate. If you don't want to have fun with the rest of us, just report to the library and do research. I suggest you read up on global warming, a problem that has recently been brought to my attention and which deeply concerns me. Now back to the balloons. Don't worry about getting wet. A little water never hurt anyone, and our weather is really warm for the last day of October. Just bring towels and extra clothes if you want to change. Oh, I almost forgot tonight is Halloween. I hope you all have fun and don't eat any poisoned candy or anything. Over and out."

  "This is crazy," Mrs. Simpson said from behind me when I had switched off the all-call button.

  I turned my chair around slowly to look her in the face. All the time I turned, I tried to think thoughts a principal would think, but I was mad. "Go back to your desk," I said, "you aren't the boss of me."

  Thank heavens Miss Deirdre didn't hear that last comment. I knew it sounded more like a three-year-old than a principal, but I remembered no actor is perfect. Anyway, Mrs. Simpson stormed back to her desk, shaking her head and muttering to herself as she slammed the door.

  Next I remembered that Madam Zelda had suggested I write Kash a note. I took my principal's pad and started to write. "Dear Kash, You may think it is strange to get a note from me, but I just want to tell you that I think you are just the hottest boy I have ever met. Now, I know you are thinking that I am way too old for you, but you would be surprised to know how close I am to your age. Don't show anyone this note or talk about it or anything. Just think about it for a couple of days. Maybe we will get a chance to discuss our relationship on Wednesday. I think on that day you may see me as a whole different person from the person you see me as today, if you know what I mean, and you probably don't. You will, though, I promise. Anyway, just give the idea some thought. If you knew a girl who was a whole lot like me, except that she was in the eighth grade with you, could you maybe want her for your girlfriend? Yours sincerely, Robin 'Bird' Miller. P.S. Thank you for cluing me in to the hazards of global warming. We can discuss the problem anytime you want to."

  I read back over the note. I wasn't sure I should give it to him, but Madam Zelda had been absolutely sure I should. Of course, Madam Zelda had also said I should give Serenity my Six-Pack charm. If I believed she was right about Kash, I had to believe she was right about Serenity. I would take the note to the grocery store after school, buy some candy to give out on Halloween, and hand Kash the note when he bagged my purchases.

  Now I needed to think about Serenity. I picked up the phone. "Flave Serenity Blair sent down here."

  "Yes, ma'am," said Mrs. Simpson, and her voice was icy. "Oh, and I might mention that several teachers have asked that you meet with the entire faculty and staff immediately after school."

  A room full of teachers looking at me! No amount of remembering Miss Deirdre's instruction could get me through that. I didn't want to be discovered. I wanted my other day as principal. "You may inform my staff that I am truly sorry, but I have other obligations this afternoon. We could have a meeting after school tomorrow except that everyone will be wet, and that wouldn't be comfortable, would it? The faculty meeting will have to be postponed until Wednesday, and I have a feeling they won't want to meet with me then." I laughed. "I mean, you know everyone will be too tired by Wednesday to stick around here for a meeting."

  "Whatever you say. You're in charge, at least for now."

  "Thank you, Nancy, and don't forget to send for Serenity," I said.

  "You need not worry about my forgetting. I, for one, take my job very seriously, and call me Mrs. Simpson, please." She hung up the phone.

  In just a few minutes, Serenity opened my office door. She had a tissue in her hand, and her nose was red from crying. "Sit down," I said, "and tell me what's wrong."

  She shrugged her shoulders, a habit that was really beginning to get on my nerves. Oh, sure, I'd heard teachers jump on kids for shrugging instead of speaking when they were called on. I was dimly aware that my own mother had complained about me doing the same thing, but still I wanted to slap Serenity. I didn't, but my voice got stern without even going over Miss Deirdre's "think the thought" rule. "Listen to me, girl. I am trying to help you here, but you have got to drop that shrugging stuff. Got me?" She nodded. "Head movements are better than shoulder movements, but what I really want is speech, Serenity. Open your mouth and talk to me."

  "Yes, Ms. Miller," she said.

  "Good, now, let's try again. Why have you been crying, Serenity?"

  "It's the balloon fight. Everyone's all excited about it. They can't wait for it, but I'll have to go to the library and do research about global warming."

  "Why?"

  "If I go outside and try to have fun with the others, Nicole and her group will all gang up on me. They'll hit me with all of their balloons."

  "Hum
mmmm," I said. I could understand her point. I tried not to see it, but pictures of me with the Six-Pack flashed into my mind. I could see us all hurling big water balloons at Marcy Willis. I reached for my pad and wrote, "Call Hannah Felder down here and tell her she has to get small balloons."

  "See what I mean," said Serenity. "You know it's the truth, don't you?"

  "Serenity, what you need is someone to stand beside you, someone to remind you that you don't need to exaggerate, someone to fight back with you. You need a friend."

  She rolled her eyes. "Duh, like I didn't know that. Most of this started after Ashley dropped me and became one of the Purples."

  "Well, you have a friend now." I reached up and unfastened the chain from around my neck. "Take this necklace and wear it. Every time you feel tempted to exaggerate, touch the necklace and say to yourself, CI have a friend. I do not need to impress these people. They would not believe me anyway.'"

  "Yeah, but who's my friend? If I tell myself I have one, I'm just making stuff up like before."

  The girl was thick headed. "Pay attention here. I'm your friend!"

  "You're the principal. You have to be everyone's friend. What good will it do me to have a friend in the principal's office."

  "It will do you good. You just wait to see what happens tomorrow at the water balloon fight. Yes, indeed [I was proud of coming up with that phrase], you go right on and plan to join the fun. I promise you will enjoy it." Serenity smiled for a minute, and I noticed she looked kind of pretty when she did. A brilliant idea came to me. "A new girl is coming to our school on Wednesday. She and her mother came in to enroll earlier today." I shook my head and made my face look sad. "Shy little thing. She goes by the nickname, Bird, and I have to say it fits her. She looks like she might fly away if someone gets too close. She will need you, Serenity. In fact I took the liberty [boy, I was getting good at principal talk] of telling her about you." "You told her I make things up and that everyone picks on me?"

  I sighed. "Touch your necklace, dear. You are exaggerating again, aren't you? We've already established that not everyone picks on you, and no I did not mention those things to Bird. I simply said that you were a very bright and kind girl, and that I would ask you to show her around the school, help her find her classes and everything."

  "Well, sure, I can do that, but she won't want to come near me after she sees how Nicole and the Purples treat me."

  "I think you are wrong. I feel this girl, Bird, has been through some experiences that have made her wiser than the average girl. You just wait and see."

  Serenity didn't say anything. I knew she was telling herself not to get her hopes up, but the corners of her mouth kept trying to turn up into a smile. "Are you doing anything to celebrate Halloween tonight?"

  "Nah, just staying home and giving out candy. I've got to watch our yard and house real close. It would be just like the Purples to throw eggs all over the porch or toilet paper the trees."

  "We'll make them pay tomorrow." I put back my arm like I was throwing, "Splash! Splash! Splash!" I said, then I thought maybe that didn't sound very much like a principal. "Well," I said, "what goes around, comes around, if you know what I mean."

  Serenity left my office at three. The schedule I found in my desk said school was dismissed at three fifteen. I didn't have much time, but I wanted to call Katie because it was two in Denver, exactly between classes.

  "Hello," she was talking loud already. "Why haven't you called me back?"

  "Katie," I said, "I've got a school to run here. I've been busy."

  "Oh," she screamed, "you're still the principal! For real?"

  "For real, but don't talk so loud. If a teacher should hear you, they'd make you tell where I am, and they'd call and everything."

  "Promise me you are telling the truth. Ivory thinks you're making up stories to get attention."

  "You've got me mixed up with Serenity," I said, but I knew Katie didn't know what I meant. "Never mind. Yes, I promise I'm telling the truth, but Katie, you want to hear something? I don't care what Ivory thinks! I wish you wouldn't either."

  There was a long silence. Then Katie said, "Well, tell me what's been happening."

  I told her about the soap opera and the coach. I told her about calling the Psychic Emergency Line, and I told her about writing the note for Kash. I did not tell her about Serenity. I knew I would tell her, but not today.

  "Did you ask the psychic who we should invite to be in the Six-Pack with us?"

  "I did, but she told me she couldn't get a reading on that one. See Madam Zelda explained to me that she doesn't know everything. Actually she uses the Internet for lots of information, but, Katie, she did say you should break away from the Six-Pack."

  "That's pretty easy for you to say. You're way off in Oklahoma. You know what the group would do to me if I quit them."

  I couldn't argue with that. "Well," I said, "I am just repeating what Madam Zelda told me." Before we hung up, I had something to ask her. "Katie," I said, "will you find out a phone number for me?"

  "Sure. Whose do you want?"

  "Marcy Willis's. I need Marcy's phone number really bad."

  "Marcy Willis!" Katie's voice was loud again. "Why on earth would you want her phone number?"

  "I don't have time to explain right now, but please get it for me. Will you?"

  "Well, I can try."

  "Good! I'll call you tomorrow."

  "Wait! Ivory told me to ask if you will send back the Six-Pack necklace?"

  I pretended not to hear. It was five after three. I had to move fast. I grabbed up the note to Kash still on my principal's pad, turned off the light, and stepped out of my office. Mrs. Simpson was on the phone, but she said "just a minute," to the person on the other end.

  "I'm leaving early today," I told her.

  She lifted her eyebrows. "Leaving early? Well, you might want to come early too. Tuesday is cinnamon roll day in the cafeteria. They are wonderful, and they will be ready just in time for the teachers' meeting."

  "Teachers' meeting?"

  "Yes, in the library before school."

  "Of course," I said like the meeting was my idea, but I knew my voice sounded scared. I started toward the door, but remembered something important. "By the way, Mrs. Simpson, please send Hannah Felder a note saying I want her to buy small balloons for tomorrow's..." I searched for a word. "Festival. Yes, that's it. We need small balloons for the festival." I turned again to leave.

  "Your key," called Mrs. Simpson. I looked back to see her holding out a key on a ribbon. "This is a master key," she said like she was talking to an incredibly slow person. "That means it opens every door in the building. You will need to be careful with it."

  "Well, duh," I said. Then I made for the door, fast.

  Rendi was in the sunroom, putting away the few things she'd brought with her from her studio. She had the radio playing kind of loud, and she hadn't heard me come into the house. I stood for a minute in the sunroom doorway, watching her. I had real mixed feelings, and I leaned against the doorframe. I had already told her I was sorry about what we did to Marcy, and part of me wanted to let her know that I had forgiven her for dragging me away from Denver. Part of me even wanted to tell her what a great day I had, but, of course, I couldn't do that. Besides, I wasn't ready to let her off the hook yet. She hated for me to be mad at her. Maybe I could use that somehow when she found out what I was up to at school. She was bound to find out, and I was pretty sure her reaction wouldn't be pretty. No, it was definitely better to remain distant with her until the news broke.

  I stepped into the room, and she turned to look at me, putting down some tools. "Bird! You're home. How did it go? Tell me about it? Do I need to go up and sign anything?"

  I made my face look expressionless. "No. There's no need for you to go up, and there's not much to tell." I shrugged (oh, sure I know I had decided to give that up, but it fit so well here). "Just like any other miserable first days in a strange school." I gave a bitter
little laugh. "No, this one was truly worse. These kids actually seemed afraid of me, and the teachers didn't even like me, except one coach." I thought of saying that the coach had tried to hit on me, had actually asked me out. I didn't tell that, though,, I knew Rendi would be calling the school on that one., When they put her through to the principal, she would recognize my voice.

  She frowned. "I'm sorry you feel that way, honey. Maybe tomorrow will be better."

  "Tonight is Halloween," I said. "I'm missing Ivory's party."

  "You can call the girls if you want to," she said. "Maybe that will make you feel better."

  I sighed long and sad. "No. Thank you, though, for giving me a chance to talk to my real friends. I think it would just make me too lonely right now. We don't have anything in the house to give to trick-or-treaters. Do you want me to walk to the grocery store to get some candy?"

  "No, let's go out to Judy's and eat, if you're hungry. I didn't have any lunch, and I'm starved. We can stop at the grocery on the way back for candy."

  "Judy's restaurant? I don't want to eat there."

  "Why? It's the only place in town."

  "Yeah," I said, and I rolled my eyes. "I am aware of that, believe me. I mean I know how tiny this place is."

  "The food was good, remember, and Judy is so nice. She'll be glad to see us there. Go put on your jeans. You'll feel better when you get out of that suit. Honey, those things you bought make you look at least ten years older. It's little wonder the kids at school may have been sort of standoffish with you. Wouldn't you like to take back the ones you haven't worn?"

  "Maybe I will take three of them back," I said, "but I want to wear one more tomorrow."

  "Why do you want to wear one more?"

  I shrugged and admitted to myself that I could never give it up, not while I was still a kid. Rendi went back to the subject of eating. "Come on, go change, and let's go to Judy's. I remember seeing a sign when we were there the other day about the burrito special they have on Mondays."

  "I don't want another burrito. I mean, that's what the cafeteria served today," I said, but then I thought, maybe Angie wouldn't be at Judy's. She couldn't work night and day could she? Besides with different clothes and my hair down, she probably wouldn't connect me with school. It might be sort of fun to play with her mind. "Okay," I said. "I'll go change."